I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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