you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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