chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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