Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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