Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That accounts for only three of the penises
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
