Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
