What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
