Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
