I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
