Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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