Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
