U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
