you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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