I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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