it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
