Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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