Your face is a jimmy john
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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