I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
