Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
