p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
