No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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