talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
