guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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