a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
