She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
