I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
