just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
