Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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