I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
