high people should be assigned attendants
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Panties = found
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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