hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
