Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
