Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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