@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
