get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Watching her eat just hurts me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
