My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
