By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
