Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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