Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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