I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
