Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
