no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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