At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
