You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
