Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want her autograph on my taint
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
