Already got asked if we're dating
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
