Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
