i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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