I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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