my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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