I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
