Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So. Much. Porn.
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