I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dignity is for republicans.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
