When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
as a side note pls kill me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
