when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
