I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
