the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
