did you get engaged???
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
