id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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