my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
