I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
