i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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