soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
