he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
