But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
