She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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