If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
one might say we're banned from that church
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
