Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
