Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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