I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
