Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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