Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
