Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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