I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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