those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
