Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
