so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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